At the beginning of October I wrote an article called ‘Losing a Part of Me… What I would like to share.‘ I subsequently named the blog which I am correlating all of my weight loss articles ‘Losing a Part of me.’ I have even registered the domain name LosingAPartOf.Me.
I got the idea from a friend (Bill Sparks) who lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago, and I was inspired by him. He registered the domain name http://iamlosing.it/, and blogged through over 100lbs of weight loss. When I saw him last he looked amazing – much better than any time since I met him when he was in college… back in 1998!
So what is it exactly that I am losing? Sure, I am losing weight, which is great and I am thrilled about it. But there is more to it than that. You see, there are things about me that have been a part of me for a long time… and I realize that I am slowly losing them.
On Saturday I am flying to Seattle for my last MVP Summit (I am no longer a Microsoft MVP, but I am allowed to go to one last Summit). During the week there will be a lot of food, drinks, and merriment. Everyone will be trying to buy me a drink, and I will be saying no to almost all of them… I might accept one drink or two throughout the week. There will be a lot of very good food (both at Microsoft and at the various parties), and I have to train myself to NOT look forward to the food… and to kerb what I do take in.
Since I was first introduced to them as a teenager I have been a glutton for Buffalo Wings. I remember ‘in my prime’ being able to devour a bucket of fifty all on my own. I still love them… but I can’t eat them – at least, not more than five. It’s not that I am unable to – I am reasonably sure that if I sat down with that bucket of 50 I would knock them back old school. I simply can’t allow myself to do that anymore.
Pizza is the same thing… I can’t, just cannot allow myself to order pizza. ‘Oh,if I order the Large I will have leftovers for tomorrow.’ BULLCRAP. If I order the large pizza I will eat the large pizza. Answer? Either get the SMALL pizza (and Fortino’s has a great 10″ pizza that I enjoy occasionally) or I do not get the pizza.
Until very recently I have eaten without thought. I now am very particular to enter every morsel of food into my smartphone app – I track not only calories, but also carbs, protein, and fat. I am also very careful to at least try to eat six times per day – three meals, three snacks – and to plan my calories and intake accordingly. It is not easy, but it is something I am forcing myself to do. I was very proud of myself in June when I received notification from MyFitnessPal that I had logged my food for 100 days in a row. Unfortunately while I was in South Carolina there was a glitch with my smart phone, and the count started all over again. Yesterday I received notification once more that I hit the 100 days streak. G-d willing that will continue.
I am no longer a kid and I am no longer in my twenties… although Lord knows that I was not slim in my 20s – at least, not once I was out of the army. I cannot continue to eat without thinking of the consequences. So now as I go through life without large pizzas and buckets of wings and endless Chinese food with plenty of sauce and all of the beer I wanted and myriad other things that gave me comfort and joy I have lost a part of me… but hopefully absent all of those I will eventually be slim and in shape, and the part of me that I will have lost will have been replaced by something else.
Losing it isn’t easy – ask anyone who has tried. Losing a part of me is not easy and it is a lot more than ‘just eat less.’ I have had to change my attitude, and deal with the emotions and accept that even when I am having a crappy day and everything is bleak I cannot turn to food for comfort. However as I do drop pant sizes and inches it is starting to feel better… hopefully in the end that will be more than a consolation prize.