Losing Me…

At the beginning of October I wrote an article called ‘Losing a Part of Me… What I would like to share.‘  I subsequently named the blog which I am correlating all of my weight loss articles ‘Losing a Part of me.’  I have even registered the domain name LosingAPartOf.Me.

I got the idea from a friend (Bill Sparks) who lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago, and I was inspired by him.  He registered the domain name http://iamlosing.it/, and blogged through over 100lbs of weight loss.  When I saw him last he looked amazing – much better than any time since I met him when he was in college… back in 1998!

So what is it exactly that I am losing?  Sure, I am losing weight, which is great and I am thrilled about it.  But there is more to it than that.  You see, there are things about me that have been a part of me for a long time… and I realize that I am slowly losing them.

On Saturday I am flying to Seattle for my last MVP Summit (I am no longer a Microsoft MVP, but I am allowed to go to one last Summit).  During the week there will be a lot of food, drinks, and merriment.  Everyone will be trying to buy me a drink, and I will be saying no to almost all of them… I might accept one drink or two throughout the week.  There will be a lot of very good food (both at Microsoft and at the various parties), and I have to train myself to NOT look forward to the food… and to kerb what I do take in.

Since I was first introduced to them as a teenager I have been a glutton for Buffalo Wings.  I remember ‘in my prime’ being able to devour a bucket of fifty all on my own.  I still love them… but I can’t eat them – at least, not more than five.  It’s not that I am unable to – I am reasonably sure that if I sat down with that bucket of 50 I would knock them back old school.  I simply can’t allow myself to do that anymore.

Pizza is the same thing… I can’t, just cannot allow myself to order pizza.  ‘Oh,if I order the Large I will have leftovers for tomorrow.’  BULLCRAP.  If I order the large pizza I will eat the large pizza.  Answer?  Either get the SMALL pizza (and Fortino’s has a great 10″ pizza that I enjoy occasionally) or I do not get the pizza.

Until very recently I have eaten without thought.  I now am very particular to enter every morsel of food into my smartphone app – I track not only calories, but also carbs, protein, and fat.  I am also very careful to at least try to eat six times per day – three meals, three snacks – and to plan my calories and intake accordingly.  It is not easy, but it is something I am forcing myself to do.  I was very proud of myself in June when I received notification from MyFitnessPal that I had logged my food for 100 days in a row.  Unfortunately while I was in South Carolina there was a glitch with my smart phone, and the count started all over again.  Yesterday I received notification once more that I hit the 100 days streak.  G-d willing that will continue.

I am no longer a kid and I am no longer in my twenties… although Lord knows that I was not slim in my 20s – at least, not once I was out of the army.  I cannot continue to eat without thinking of the consequences.  So now as I go through life without large pizzas and buckets of wings and endless Chinese food with plenty of sauce and all of the beer I wanted and myriad other things that gave me comfort and joy I have lost a part of me… but hopefully absent all of those I will eventually be slim and in shape, and the part of me that I will have lost will have been replaced by something else.

Losing it isn’t easy – ask anyone who has tried.  Losing a part of me is not easy and it is a lot more than ‘just eat less.’  I have had to change my attitude, and deal with the emotions and accept that even when I am having a crappy day and everything is bleak I cannot turn to food for comfort.  However as I do drop pant sizes and inches it is starting to feel better… hopefully in the end that will be more than a consolation prize.


2 responses to “Losing Me…”

  1. Even though i am slightly older than you, I am going through the same problems that you are going through. I love reading your blog. I am not the type that tells all as you do and i may never have married but i have similar problems with life,food and women. I enjoy reading what you write and I hope that you continue your blog for a long time. As you know, I am a long time admirer of you. To read that you go through all the same problem that I do keeps me from being depressed. At least I know that you manage in spite of all your set backs.

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