A New Perspective…

This blog is older than I ever thought it would be.  So every once in a while I like to give it a facelift.  This morning you should notice a big difference.

I picked a new template last week.  I have modified it though… the pictures in the cover are shots I took in Cuba this year.  I hope you like it!  Let me know if you don’t!

Mitch

Firewalls: Trust me!

I have several clients who have multiple sites, as well as multiple Active Directory (AD) forests.  As security is so important they want to lock things down the best they can, but they also need to open up the necessary ports to allow the domain trusts to work.  The ports required for this are:

Port Number Protocol Traffic Type
53 TCP/UDP Domain Naming Service (DNS)
88 TCP/UDP Kerberos
389 TCP/UDP LDAP
445 TCP Server Message Block (SMB)
636 TCP LDAP (SSL)

These ports should work for every version of Active Directory dating back to Server 2000, but I have not tried anything earlier than 2012.

A Big, HUGE Microsoft Security FAIL.

(NOTE: This article was written December 7, 2016. Not one word has been changed since that date.  To understand why it can only now be published, read the article on this site called 107 Days: A Microsoft Security Nightmare. -MDG)

For reasons that will become obvious, I am going to delay posting this article until the issue has been resolved.

A few days ago a colleague of mine discovered the password to my Microsoft Account.  I won’t go into the how and why… I knew that my password had been compromised and I took the immediate steps to change it.

image

Ok, I understand that things break… I tried a few times, and then I decided to follow the advice and try later.  I trust my colleague not to actually use my password, so even though I felt uncomfortable with it being compromised, I knew I could wait a couple of hours.

Throughout the evening I tried (unsuccessfully) to change my password.  As I was sitting with my father having dinner, as I had drinks and cigars with my friends… no joy, I still got the same message.  ‘There’s a temporary problem with the service. Please try again. If you continue to get this message, try again later.

I want to be clear… if my network had an error that was preventing users from changing their passwords I would consider it reasonably important, and I would take immediate steps to fix it.  But having trusted Microsoft for so many years, I assumed this would be fixed eventually.

Four Days Passed.

Yes, it was literally four days before I decided that my passivity would not eventually lead to a solution.  I sat down and figured out how to request support. I was hoping to be able to speak with a human being.  Before I could, however, the Virtual Support Assistant got me to try this link and that link.  It then made me go through seventeen steps to finally confirm that the account in question was mine… and once it confirmed that I really am me, it tried to reset my password… and I ended up with the same error message that ‘There’s a temporary problem with the service. Please try again. If you continue to get this message, try again later.

Okay, it’s been nearly an hour… and I am chatting with someone who is quite obviously not their first round draft pick.  After all, I asked for help with Outlook.com, not with something that people actually pay for.  I spent twenty minutes explaining to him the situation, and the added (and I assume rare) complication that I have two accounts with the same address… my Office 365 account and my Microsoft Account are both the same address that are completely different.  ‘Please don’t touch my Office 365 Account, I only want to change my Microsoft Account.’  This led to another five minute discussion on the meaning of the word change.

He had me fill out another form on-line.  I did.  At the end of that form I got a message that said that the product team would contact me within 24-48 hours to help me.  I told the Support Agent that I had filled out the form.  He told me that now I had to wait until they contacted me.

All in all, my Microsoft Account (which is the account I use for my MCT & MCP Benefits, Skype, and myriad other features) will have been compromised for the better part of a week… and there was nothing I could do about it.  Yes, I could have contacted Answer Desk a few days earlier, so it would have been compromised for only three days.  I want to know in what world is that considered an acceptable delay to be able to change a compromised password?

Some time ago I started using Multi-Factor Authentication (MFA) for many of my most important systems, which is why I am never concerned that my blog or my password vault could be compromised.  For various systems I have a hard key (Yubikey) and soft keys (Google Authenticator and Microsoft Authenticator) which keep most of what I do safe.  But most of the Microsoft systems do not support MFA and I am stuck with only a password.  I use reasonably complex passwords so I usually am not concerned, but in a case where my password is compromised and I am not able to change it, I wonder how it is that a company as advanced as Microsoft (in this case) does not allow me to use MFA.  I would love to be able to require my Yubikey in order to log in to Windows and many of the on-line systems I use, but it is simply not an option.

I am disappointed by Microsoft this week… and I hope that they take the lessons learned from this experience to improve.  However I sit here today, thinking of the myriad occasions I stood on stage in over a dozen countries on five continents and defended Microsoft’s security systems as among the best in the world; I was always sure in my knowledge that I spoke the truth.  Today I would not feel comfortable making that claim… and my faith in their systems, like shattered glass, will not be easily fixed.

Outlook / Hotmail Issues Acknowledged

When I posted my last couple of posts Microsoft was reporting that ‘All is Well.’  Dashboards were green, nothing to see here.  That has now changed:

image

So we know now that the issues are pretty serious… at least, serious enough that they are now acknowledging them.

As for me, I have been having an issue with my Microsoft account that has been ongoing since December 5th.  I have held off talking about it for security reasons, but with all that has been going on today, and the fact that yesterday my account might have been hacked, I am planning on writing about it tonight.  And boy are you guys going to be shocked.  All I will say for now is this: DO NOT TRUST MICROSOFT SECURITY. 

Yes, I said it.  For a decade I have been espousing the virtues and benefits of Microsoft’s security.  Unfortunately I have had to change my position on this, and in a very big way.  DO NOT TRUST THEM.  It has cost me terribly, and I will tell you about it tomorrow.

M

Outlook / Hotmail Down: Update

So the worst fear of hundreds of millions of computer users has been realized today.

image

As I reported a little while ago, Outlook.com and Hotmail.com are down.  But it goes much deeper than that.  If login.live.com is down (see screen capture) that also means that OneDrive, Skype, and even XBox Live are out as well.  If you are a Microsoft Certified Trainer and you were planning to download courseware today, that’s not available either.  In fact, any service that requires authentication with a Microsoft Account is down right now.  We are still awaiting word from Microsoft as to when these services might be restored.  But for now, you (and I) will simply have to wait… in the figurative dark.

Outlook / Hotmail Down?

After receiving notification on my iPhone this morning that there was a problem with one of my Outlook.com accounts I went onto my computer to try it out.  It did not work there either, so I did some investigating.  It looks like this system is suffering a major outage today.  I am not sure if this is strictly the e-mail, or if other services relying on the extremely popular Microsoft Account (formerly Microsoft Passport, Live ID) are out as well.  One this is for sure… there are a lot of unhappy users on-line this morning who are not receiving their e-mail.  More to come!

A Good Day…

My day started with an urgent matter at the office… It was a small thing to fix but it prevented someone from working, so it was my priority.  Unfortunately for some reason I couldn’t connect to my corporate VPN, so I went into the office and fixed it.

Because I am not working full time right now I normally would not have gone in today… in fact, knowing how I was feeling after not getting a lot of sleep last night I might just have stayed home and taken a lazy day until my appointments which start late in the afternoon.  No, I was in the office at 9:30am instead.

I was not upset about this… far from it.  I have been getting things done that I needed to do today, some of which I have been putting off for a while.  I went to the Microsoft Store to pick something up (and exchange another), and I am not going to head downtown to pick up a gift certificate I won on the radio.

There are going to be bad days, no question.  But there are also days that can be looked at from different perspectives, and the difference between a good day and a bad day may just be how you decide to view it.  I decided to make today a good day… I hope yours is too!

Dickens Had It Right…

Ok, not about everything…

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… This is certainly one of the most familiar opening lines of any book written since Genesis (which, it should be noted, was not a book at all).  The opening sentence from A Tale of Two Cities can certainly describe the last couple of years of my life.

To look at Facebook, 2016 was the worst year ever.  from the deaths of celebrities from David Bowie and Allan Rickman and Glenn Frey and myriad others, to the nastiest U.S. Election Campaign in history (culminating in the election of who can best be described as ‘The Lesser of Two Evils’) , 2016 was simply a terrible year.

I rang in 2016 at a beach resort in Cuba, with the woman I expected to spend the rest of my life with, having just finished implementing the largest IT project I had ever architected.  My family was healthy, and things were looking good.

January and February of 2016 were certainly good months for me.

Professionally, as well as financially, 2016 were not terrible years for me.  I re-joined and subsequently re-left Microsoft as a contractor… I taught a few classes.  I earned a decent if not spectacular living… but I was able to pay my bills and still put a couple of shekels aside for a rainy day. 

I remembered that while my responsibilities are important, it is also important to live.  So I went on more vacations in 2016 than in any previous year, bar none.  That is to say, trips where I got onto an airplane to a destination where NO work had to be done:

  • I went to Cuba over New Year with my (then) girlfriend… Ten days in Paradise, in the Las Tunas province, far from everything but the beach and the bar.
  • I went to Las Vegas in May with the same girlfriend (shortly after we got back together following our first breakup) and a couple of friends.  We had some good food, we saw two amazing bucket-list concerts.
  • I went twice more to Cuba with a friend (this time to Varadero), with numerous side trips into Havana).

Unfortunately not all was sunshine and cigars… Things with the girlfriend were going so well… until she ended things… twice.  When we got back together she made it clear that we were forever.  Unfortunately Forever didn’t last… in fact it didn’t quite make it to Thanksgiving.  And so I am single again.  I will spare you a retelling of the drama.

My best friend in the whole world… my four-legged friend who always meant everything to me passed away in March.  I do not know if it was the saddest day of the year… yes, I do.  It was heartbreaking to watch him suffer, and to hold him as he closed his eyes for the last time.  I cannot think of anything that made me cry like I did that night.  I also cannot think of anything that made me drink like I did that night. 

While the attachment was not at all like with Jacob, my now ex-girlfriend’s dog passed away a few months later.  Sir Gunter Red-Mane was another wonderful friend, and that was another very sad day.

As a father, it is amazing to watch my children grow, to mature.  It is also very painful to watch their growing pains.  My older son has grown into an amazing 18-year-old who is at a stage where he wants to be a man, but like any kid of that age he does not have all of the tools he needs to be one.  However he has gone off to university, and one day he will conquer the world.

My younger son is a happy little boy who has some issues, and we are dealing with them.  I thank G-d every day for his mother who does an amazing job with him.  I know that I am the ‘weekend Dad’ who gets to have fun with him and watch movies and go out, but she is the one who deals with the times when he is not all smiles and giggles.  She and I may not have been good as a married couple, but I am so grateful to have her as a co-parent.

My health is okay, my weight today (despite all my best efforts) is about 5lbs less than it was a year ago… better than 5lbs up, but still not enough.  That is my continuing struggle.  I have spent a good amount of time working out at the gym over the past year… not as consistent as I need to be, but much better than I could be.

And now, looking forward at 2017, I do not know what will be… I will strive to make it the best year that I can, and hope I can deal with any problems that arise as well as possible.

I know I am 18 days late folks… but Happy 2017 to all of you!

ChargeTech Deals

As you know, I have worked closely with the team at ChargeTech recently to tell you about some of their products.  Well it may be a little late, but they sent me a Black Friday / Cyber Monday coupon for you to use to get incredible deals off their Portable Power Outlet!  From now until the end of the week you can save 60% off the retail price – only US$99, but only if you buy it from here: “The Best Deals we Can Find“, and only if you use the coupon code: 583PPO758!

I look forward to hearing your thoughts about the PPO, and Happy Holidays!

BYOD: A Fairy Tale

Recently I wrote an article called Free Will… about people using their computers as they want.  I mentioned I had written a piece that was to be my introduction to a presentation I was going to do on BYOD, and I promised I would look for it.  I found it, and here it is.  I look forward to reading your comments! –MDG

I want to tell you a story, and to some of you it will sound like a fairy tale.

Once upon a time there was a company without any computers. Then one day the King decreed: ‘We can be more productive with computers!’ And so the company bought computers… but they didn’t know what to do with the computers.

There was a humble serf in the company who had more than a passing interest in the new technology. The King noticed this, and asked him about the new machines. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about, and when he sat down at the computer he was able to speak with it in a sort of code, and after a few minutes of talking the machine did his bidding… it produced magic, performing seemingly impossible mathematical calculations… but more importantly to the king, he was able to make the company name fill the screen. The King was awed by this magic, and knighted the serf ‘Sir In Charge of Computers.’

The years passed by, and the knight was able to help the company increase its revenues and proved that the original decree that the company could be more productive with computers was in fact true, and way beyond the wildest dreams of the king. Over time the knight spent all of his free time learning more about these machines, increasing his magic, and earning industry certifications which grew his standing among his fellow magicians. He brought more of these magical machines into the company, and increased his domain with larger computers that nobody touched but him called servers, and these servers allowed the users to share information, collaborate on projects, and increase even further the productivity.

Of course the King was not simply impressed, he realized that he had grown richer beyond what he thought possible because of the knight, and one day he brought him into the palace, had him kneel before the King, and with his mighty sword tapped both of his shoulders and claimed ‘You, good Sir Knight, are now Prince Director of IT.

The new prince knew that in order to continue to prove his worth he would need to enlist help, and so he hired several brave knights – Sir Systems Administrator, Sir Desktop Expert, and the mysterious, great, and powerful Lord Infrastructure Architect. Together these magicians made the company prosper for the ages.

The serfs were taught to use their computers but only exactly how the Prince and his band decreed; unauthorized magic was punished harshly. To drive home the importance of the prince’s Acceptable Use Policies, those who veered from the path were struck with plagues – viruses and malware infected them, diminishing their productivity, and causing epidemics that reduced the collective productivity of the kingdom; the King empowered Prince Director of IT to work with Prince Director of Human Resources to severely punish and even banish serfs who veered from the path. These princes were viewed with awe, for those who dared to offend them might be fed to the dragon.

The wheels of time continued to turn, and as the medieval ages of the 80s and 90s made way for the new millennium; many efforts were made to bring magic to the masses, because while some great wizards had predicted that the world would never need more than 640 magicians, the desire to impart the knowledge of magic to the world was great. As magic was simplified, its mystique was slowly diminished.

Times were changing not only for this kingdom, but around the world. The serfs had become accustomed to their magical boxes, and were comfortable performing their daily tasks on them… but they were still wary of the great magic contained within. However the children of the serfs, whose schools began teaching computers very early on, did not see magic, and were not in awe of Prince Director of IT and his Merry Men. As the awe diminished, the serfs became haughty and uppity. ‘We do not wish to follow the Acceptable Use Policies of the prince! We want to use our magic boxes the way we want to use them! We wish to perform our own magic on these boxes!’

The King, understanding that the dangers were great that revolution would destroy the kingdom, told the Prince that he must allow the serfs to use their magic boxes to do their own magic… but because the boxes still belonged to the company, it was still the responsibility of the Prince and his band of men to ensure that these boxes remained safe, and to cure them of any potential illnesses before they could spread and infect others.

The serfs, realizing they could do more with these magical boxes than just work, bought them for their homes. They played, and they connected to the Internet, which opened their eyes to the true power of the magic. Their ire continued to grow within… quietly.

And then, in the second decade of the millennium, the revolution came. ‘We are no longer willing to use the devices that you decree. We want to use our own devices! While you wish to enslave us in a world of magical Windows, we want to explore other worlds, ones replete with fruits of the Apple tree, and robotic Androids, and Berry bushes which may be Black. We will continue to serve the king, but we will only do so on our own terms!

The Prince and his men were appalled; surely the serfs could never properly serve the King with these strange and alien devices. He and his men fought back against the revolution, reassured that they had the full support of the King…

…And then the unthinkable happened. King CEO called the prince into his chambers and decreed ‘You must allow the serfs to use the devices that they choose. You shall not prevent them from doing their own magic on these devices, but at the same time you must ensure the safety and security of our kingdom, and make sure that no epidemics are brought in, and that none of our secrets are compromised. Because you are such a great and powerful magician, so much so that I made you a Prince when you yourself were once a serf, I trust that you will be able to do this. Now go.’

Welcome to the age of Bring Your Own Device.

Free Will…

I am in Montreal this week, working on a friend’s computer.  After twelve incredible years of service, the laptop is being replaced. But before that happens I must transfer the data to his new computer… a task made infinitely more difficult by the utter and complete infestation of his computer with malware.

Aside from being a very good friend, Rick is also a fan of my blog, and will be among the first to read this article; that is not why I will not be bad-mouthing him per-se, but it does show that I often write articles about the people who read my blog, and occasionally I call them out by name.  Rick and his wife have done nothing intentionally wrong to the Dell Inspiron E1405 that likely rolled off the line shortly after George W. Bush was elected to his second term; however the temptation of free this and that comes so often with the moral lesson that nothing is truly free in this life.

As I drove to Montreal yesterday I was joking with a colleague that I was going to have to go through this, and he asked me: If you know it is going to happen, and you can prevent it, why don’t you simply lock his computer down and protect him from himself? It is not the first time I have fielded this question – far from it.

If you have ever had a conversation with a religious leader and asked him how could they believe in G-d being all-powerful and yet there is so much evil in the world, the answer will usually be something like this: G-d created the world and everything in it, but then gave us free will, and it is mankind’s free will from whence the evil comes.  It may be a frustrating answer, but it is fairly hard to refute.

The same is true with computers; in a corporate environment it is easy enough for a competent IT Administrator to lock down their environment and prevent end users from ‘horking’ their computers.  However when a consumer buys their own computer there will be no such restrictions – they have the free will to do what they like.  The creators of the operating environment – in the case of Windows the product team at Microsoft – have put in myriad safeguards to protect us, but in the end in order for our computers to be useable, they have to give us the free will to install programs we like… some of which yes will be harmful.  We have all of the tools we need to be successful… but outside of the protected environment of the Garden (a freshly installed and patched operating system) they have to let us loose to survive and thrive… and succeed or fail.

Twenty-five years ago the majority of people were afraid of their computers (and of computers in general).  They turned it on and after the operating system (MS-DOS) booted they were greeted by a black screen and a DOS prompt (C:\>_).  They did not know where to look for the hidden tricks that were available to wreck their systems.  With the introduction of the Windows Operating Environment (Windows 95 and later) it became so much easier to find these tools… while innocently trying to tweak their environment.  If they wanted to write a letter they knew how to access their word processor, and if they needed to use a spreadsheet they knew how to do that too.  However the Disk Management utility was hidden away… often on a floppy disk that would have to be put into the system and run by experts.  Today they know to right-click on anything they see and click around… and of course with every computer connected to the Internet the malicious malware creators make it oh-so-tempting to install tools and games that pretend to be one thing but really infect their computers with crap.

A couple of years ago I wrote a piece that was meant to be my introduction to a lecture on BYOD computing.  I am going to dig it up and tweak it for publishing here.  It outlines how the job of the IT Professional has gotten infinitely harder and less powerful as the fear and awe with which people looked at their computers turned to familiarity and a false sense of knowledge and security.

With regard to people installing ‘crapware’ I think we, those of us who support our friends and family computers, have to accept some responsibility.  Because so many of us were so dismissive about the threats out there in favour of a ‘don’t call me unless it’s broken’ attitude, our friends and families realized that they could install or click here when prompted to.  So often when I sit in front of a friend’s system I ask them ‘why did you do this?’ The answer is usually something to the effect of ‘I didn’t want to bother you over nothing.’

Is there any way for us to prevent this?  Sure… we can take their Administrator rights away, but then they would be calling us every time they wanted to install the smallest program (like I do at the office).  However that would be a huge inconvenience to us – and to them.  We can install anti-malware and remote-monitoring tools such as Windows Intune, but there is a cost to that… and unless they maintain their patch levels and malware definitions they fall out of scope so quickly.

And so every so often a friend or family member calls me and I help them out; I clean out their malware and perform whatever other maintenance is required.  I do not do this preventatively because there are too many people and computers involved and it would take too much time.  However I don’t mind getting the occasional call of ‘Hey Mitch, I screwed up my computer… let me buy you a bottle of scotch in exchange for a couple of hours of your time.’  If nothing else, it gives me a good excuse to get together with them and chat while I mindlessly do what needs to be done.

…and yes, I occasionally get a good bottle of scotch out of it! 🙂

Canadian Politics…

A month ago I sat down with my Member of Parliament, the Honourable Karina Gould.  Ms. Gould is a member of the Liberal Party, and is a very nice young lady who despite knowing I did not vote for her was happy to meet with me and listen to my issues.

I should mention that I have been a Canadian citizen since the day I was born, have been eligible to vote (and have voted) in Federal, Provincial, and Municipal elections for some 26 years now.  Okay, I have missed a couple of Municipal elections, but excepting the election of Jean Chretien in 1993 (when I was living overseas) I have not missed a single Federal election.

Throughout my childhood because of my mother’s political activism I met many politicians (and future politicians).  As an adult when I was in the army and then following my army service when I was in Security I met many more.  Additionally I had not only signed petitions but I wrote letters to Members of the National Assembly (in Quebec), Members of Parliament, Prime Ministers, Presidents of the United States, and even two to successive Premieres of the Soviet Union.

It was not until the second month of my forty-fifth year that I made an appointment to sit down with my Member of Parliament to discuss issues.  To be fair, I think I started the ball rolling in the tenth month of my forty-fourth year, as Ms. Gould is a busy lady… but that is understandable.

So one bright and sunny Friday morning last month I walked in to her Riding Office to speak with her.

Mitch & Karina GouldI had met her before.  Ms. Gould had made a number of appearances at events that I was at, and we had a couple of very nice conversations.  She is really nice and easy to talk to… I suppose those are among the qualities that helped get her elected.  I told her straight out that I did not vote for her in the last election, but that I would give her and her party leader a chance to earn my vote in the next one.  I also told her that at some point I might make an appointment to speak with her… and finally I did.

We had a great conversation.  We probably spent 25 minutes speaking while her aide took notes, and while I was certainly calling her and Prime Minister Trudeau out on something that offended me, it was still a cordial and friendly meeting with respect on both sides.  If truth be told, I suspect she strongly agrees with my position, but has to toe the party line and so reserved any enthusiastic agreement she might have otherwise expressed.

I promised her I would blog about our encounter, and so I sat down to do so.  Several times in fact.  I have sat down on numerous occasions to write, and on at least three of these tries I wrote over five hundred words… and then erased them.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will likely have noticed that it has been rather bare of late.  The professional side of me – that is, the IT Professional – has been experiencing a drastic case of Writer’s Block.  I have decided I would rather leave the page stagnant than publish the crap I have been able to write over the past few months.  A product review here, a silly commentary on the US Elections there, but not much more.  I did not even blog about the four magnificent concerts I have seen this year.

I have had no trouble writing about my meeting with The Honourable Karina Gould, Member for Burlington.

More than a decade ago I sought career advice from a man whom I still know and respect named John.  He gave me plenty of advice, some of which I followed and benefitted from, some of which I did not and have suffered for.  He is one of the people responsible for my blogging.  He told me that I should be blogging, and not just for www.MITPro.ca.  Hence MitchGarvis.com and later The World According to Mitch was born.

The other bit of advice that stuck – and which I remember although I have not always followed – is to keep the politics out of it.  I think that overall I have done a decent if not a complete job of this.  My politics – especially on many of the world’s hot-button issues – are strong and fervent, and I will gladly discuss and debate them over a beer at the pub, or better yet over a cigar.  However my days of writing political opinion pieces – as I have over the years – are for the time being behind me.

And so we come to this productive and enjoyable meeting with The Honourable Member from Burlington.  The topic was indeed one of the hot-button issues I was warned by John to avoid.  How do I write about what we discussed without once again advertising my strong political opinions in a space that should be apolitical?  Several times I sat down to write, several times I wiped my screen clear and promised to try again later.

I left the Riding Office with a Canadian flag and a pin.  I left with the promise that Ms. Gould would speak with the Prime Minister and get the answers I seek.  I left with the intent of writing strongly and learnedly of this positive meeting.  The promise and the intent remain unfulfilled… although I am patient and assume that for a freshman MP to get time with the Prime Minister may take time, and so I hope that her promise will indeed be fulfilled.

The Writer’s Block remains, and over the next few weeks I hope to break it.  I make no promises, except that if you reach out to me I will try to reply.  Have a happy Friday, and a great long Labour Day weekend.

Applying Hockey Rules to Elections…

In hockey, before a face-off, if the two players can’t settle down and play nice the referee kicks them both out of the circle and the teams have to send two different players to start the play again.

Who thinks it would be a good idea for someone to tell Hillary and Donald to skate out so the two parties can replace them with new players to play nice? 

With the American Elections Coming…

For all Americans who say they will move to Canada if one or the other jackass wins the election: 

1) The War of 1812 we kicked your asses. 

2) You had better be prepared to know and understand our geography. 

3) Learn Metric. 

4) it is important for the gorgeous women to understand that in Canada middle-aged fat guys who are not wealthy are considered absolutely hot so if you want to fit in you had better come after us with both nipples blazing. 

5) It is important for the wealthy men to understand that in Canada we believe in helping others so you will be required to support the middle aged fat guys throughout their relationships with he hot young ladies. 

6) Colour is spelled with a U. So is Favour, Flavour, and Endeavour. Get used to it, we are right and you are wrong. 

7) Any positive references to Honey Booboo and anyone similar will be cause for immediate expulsion with no appeals process. 

8) Leave your guns behind… Unless you want to hunt, then bring a single shot gun; in Canada we don’t need seventy assault rifles and handguns to hunt an unarmed deer. 

9) Hockey is better than football, and by the way some of us call soccer football, and if you don’t like it then stay home. 

10) You are either allowed to complain about the heat in he summer or the cold in the winter; never both. 

11) All of the American hockey teams that have won Stanley Cups in the last 23 years have been replete with Canadians (replete means there were lots of them). So stop trying to brag that the US has won them. 

12) It is not only suggested, rather it is obligatory to have friends on both sides of the political spectrum, and it is a requirement to treat them all with respect … Even when you disagree with them.

13) Our comedians are funnier than yours, and we are accepting of most everyone… Except rude people, so don’t be rude!

14) We are just as patriotic as you are… We just don’t think it necessary to choke everyone on it. On that note, we are generally not in-your-face like you are… So stop that.

15) Our beer is better than yours. Always.

16) If you are a huge fan of a particular American micro-brew that you think might be better than Canadian beer, please refer to Rule 15.

17) Yes our taxes are higher. It is the cost we pay for people not dying because they can’t afford health care.

18) You will hear most Canadians complain about our healthcare and roads and politics and schools and and and… Before you chime in please remember: We didn’t elect anyone so objectionable that people are moving out of the country.  So shaddap!

19) We are pretty open minded here… Leave your pre-conceived notions and bible-thumping behind.

20) We like Cuba and Cubans… Maybe better than we like America and Americans. Live with it… They are nice people and you shouldn’t ostracize an entire country for 50 years because they prevented you from invading them.

There’s more to it, but this is a good start. Memorize this and follow the rules and you will get along just fine.